i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
