you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
