dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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