We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
