either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How does one acquire holy water?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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