Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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