its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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