butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
