She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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