We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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