we're blogging at a bar
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
