Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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