What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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