You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
