I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
