yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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