I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
