I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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