Yo dont text me then not text me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
