Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
