is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
