everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
