he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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