508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
