i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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