Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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