After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
