I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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