after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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