I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
