I just made out with a guy for $7.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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