You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
