she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
