I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The air was thick with penises
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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