we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
