I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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