I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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