Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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