The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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