We're facebook friends in real life
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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