Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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