So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
