the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
