I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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