I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think my mom watched the whole time
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
