You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
