I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pooping to opera.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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