One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
