I am spending my child support on dildos
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
