I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
