in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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