So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
