Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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