You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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