hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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