Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
