Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
