We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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