I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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