Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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