This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
