She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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