I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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