I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
