How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
