guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
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I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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