Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
