Apparently you make a good broom.
this boner is exhausting
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
