I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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