Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Randomize
