i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
