Got a toothbrush?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
