U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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