I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
