Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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